Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....
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>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
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>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
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>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
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>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest
>national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
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>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
>multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
>without regulation.
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>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
>speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
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>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
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>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
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>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
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>HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
>heart.

>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
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>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
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>The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
>Bush's driving record is none of our business.

>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
>conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.

>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what
>Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

>Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other
>people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
>Friends don't let friends vote Republican

George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh
too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that
person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

Fellow Crack Pots

The Cracked Pot
>While the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
>portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the
>stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
>For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman
>bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course,
>the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the
>poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
>miserable that it could only do half of what it had been
>made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter
>failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am
>ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes
>water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old
>woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your
>side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's
>because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted
>flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while
>we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been
>able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
>Without you being just the way you are, there would not be
>thi
> beauty to grace the house."
>Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and
>flaws we each have that make our lives together so very
>interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each
>person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO,
>to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and
>remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
>

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Michigan

Jeff Foxworthy's Version of Michigan

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.


If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.


If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.


If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.


If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.


If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.


If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.


If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.


If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.



You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when....

1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,without flinching.

6. You see people wearing fall formal wear (camouflage) at social
events(including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.


10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.


11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a deer "bow target" next to your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. "Down South" to you means Ohio .

16. A Muskrat is something you can eat.


17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.


19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22. You drink pop and bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

24. You know what a Yooper is.

25. You think owning a Honda is Un- American.

26. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
Michigan friends.

HEHE

FUNERAL PROCESSION:
(DON'T SKIP THE PRAYER AT THE END...ITS PRICELESS!)

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee
when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching
the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse
about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was
a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her,
a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss", I know now is a bad time to disturb you,
but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law.
She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the
two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

_______________________________________________________
A Woman's Prayer:

Dear Lord,
I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for
Strength
I'll just beat him to death

Ain't that the truth!

LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE


Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.


Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have
adjacent
lockers.


Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a
floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.


Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Elsien's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.


Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
making
it.
Copyright ©2003 LongBraid Designs

WOW

Okay,

So I have ignored everyone here, but hey its cool. School has been nuts, well thats not all but, I wont go into great detail.

All I know is that I moved from a small republican town, to a BIG republican town.

And I thought up north was hick-ville.....OHHH NO... . . . . .nothing compares to down here. One rock station on the radio (not that I listen to the radio anyways.) But still. Only 10 weeks to go after this. . . the countdown continues. One more weeks until midterms. So there!!


All I have to say is "Its the Beatles Bitch!!..."

WOW

It had been awhile since I have posted anything. . .

Well I have been really busy, but I really would not call it a good busy. I really don't like it down here, and well I don't think I'll spend more then a semester at this place. So the countdown begins. . .

11 weeks and counting. I'm trying to think in weeks rather than months, but they both right now sound the same.

lets just say that I moved from a small republican town, to a BIG republican town. . . It totally sucks.

Going home is my main mission during the weekends. It may put a lot of miles on my car, but right now I really don't care. Since as I cannot stand it down here much longer. . .