Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....
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>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
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>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
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>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
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>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest
>national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
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>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
>multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
>without regulation.
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>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
>speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
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>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
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>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
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>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
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>HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
>heart.

>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
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>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
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>The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
>Bush's driving record is none of our business.

>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
>conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.

>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what
>Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

>Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other
>people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
>Friends don't let friends vote Republican