It's BA-RE-STA, not BUR-RI-STI

how do you think todd would feel about me posting these?


Thank you Lisa, these were awesome


basic rules for ordering coffee from me when I've been working for the past 40 hours straight:



1. I will GLADLY help you when you end your cell phone conversation.

2. do not assume that, just because you're a self-proclaimed "regular," i will know that when you say "just gimme' one of those white chocolate 'thingies'," and then proceed to chuckle at your funny that you made, i will know that you want a frozen white mocha just because that's what you ordered last time; i will make you a hot white chocolate until you can place your order as if we're both dignified.

3. it is not funny to me when you accidentally say sour cream instead of whipped cream. I will finish your order when you pull yourself together.

4. I know you were bred in northern Michigan, but, for christs sake, if another person orders a GRAND latte, I'm going to spill your GRANDE (grahn-day) drink all over you, and I'm serious.

5. drink carriers are for 4 drinks. even 3 drinks. when you ordered 2 drinks, that's why god gave you 2 hands, and I will tell you we're out of carriers and I don't care how sassy you get about it.

6. when you and your 17 year old bff4evz stand and stare absent-mindedly at the drink menu for 25 minutes and then decide to [split] a short cappuccino because you "liked the one you had at speedway," and then spend another 10 minutes counting out your quarters and dimes to come up with three dollars and fifty cents, and then deduce that you're too "chill" and "sick" to say please and thank-you, you better believe i will make you an authentic cappuccino-- which is milk foam and espresso; not magic "french vanilla" candy syrup dreamzzz. and you can be sure i will steam your milk to 220 degrees.

7. if your car is pulled up to the building and you and your friends are all sitting in it with your lap tops out, I actually will catch on to the fact that you're not playing solitaire, and i will passive-aggressively turn off the wi-fi.

8. when you are so super-hott n' sexy that you have to wear your knock-off coach sunglasses (which, fyi, would still be trashy even if they were legit) inside a dimly lit coffee shop, and then are way too much above me to stop chomping your gum to talk to me with common human courtesy, not to mention complete sentances, and THEN expect you can ask me to make your drink "fat-free, sugar-free," you should know that I will be making your drink with half&half and extra caramel.

9. when you ask what our sizes are, and i point to our lovely display of short, tall, grande and vastos cups-- which are all actually right in front of your face and clearly labeled-- don't you DARE order a medium, so help me god.

10. as cool and awesome as you think you are because you orded an iced coffee just like the equally cool/awesome people in the sweet new mcdonalds commercial, you're actually not cool. because it's ice and coffee; there is nothing awesome or special about that. you're actually getting ripped off because you're essentially drinking melted ice with a little bit of coffee that was brewed about 8 hours ago. and you're not, like, "scene" or anything just because you ordered said rip-off drink un-humanly slow and you can't bend at the knees because you're purple jeans are too tight.


and, a quick wildcard-- just because the tip jar says "barista college fund" that does not mean that every girl who works here happens to be named barista; i would rather you keep your two dimes and one penny (which truly is not contributing at all to putting me through college) and spare me the anger of adressing me as barista (or "barteesa" to you real big dumb-asses i was talking to in rule #4). it's a little bit demeaning.